Recently, my ancient, decrepit, four year old computer decided, as the aged sometimes do, that continuing to exist and uphold the level of quality performance it had maintained previously was simply too much hassle, and refused to operate.
Being the at least somewhat computer savvy person I am, I immediately determined that since it wouldn’t even pretend that it could turn on, it must be a problem with the power supply. So I wandered my way over to Ye Olde Computere Shoppe, replaced the power supply, and became inordinately proud of myself when it worked.
For about a week.
My computer is currently telling me (when its willing to tell me anything) that its missing the happy windows file that ends in one of those file extensions that are absolutely meaningless but vitally important no longer exists.
It requires, in short, a repair installation of Windows 98. Simple enough.
Except for the fact that to perform said repair installation, I need to get my hands on a Windows 98 cd.
Now, in theory everyone who owns a computer running Windows 98 should have a Windows 98 cd. But, like all vital pieces of software, no one actually does.
I have a great many friends and associates who have the magical ability to actually understand computers and make them do what they want, when they want, with a minimal amount of complaining. None of them has a Windows 98 cd (or at least, if they do, they’re too busy telling me to “upgrade” to Windows XP, a much more “user friendly” OS that has the advantage of having hidden all those files with obscure extensions in order to keep anyone who doesn’t already know what they’re doing from figuring it out. And it has Spider Solitaire).
I know a lot of people who, like me, are nearly OCD grade pack-rats and hoard every piece of software, information, and lint because they know that if they throw it away, they’ll immediately need it. None of them has a Windows 98 cd (that they can locate in all that stuff, anyway).
Everyone thinks they might, but can’t find it.
This leads me to a rather sinister conclusion: in reality, there is only one copy of Windows 98 in the entire state of Florida, or perhaps, in the whole of the United States, which has the power to transport itself in some unknown manner so as to never be where it is needed.
There may have been more, once, perhaps even one for every computer running the OS. But over the last five years, they have been brutally dispatching of one another whenever they meet in pursuit of “the Game”, which isn’t very fun, and really doesn’t make any sense, but is accepted as fact nonetheless because Adrian Paul is really rather good looking when he’s fighting with a sword.
So should you ever run into similar problems with your computer, perhaps it would be best, after all, to give up on locating the elusive Windows 98 cd, and welcome the distraction that is Spider Solitaire.
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