Anyone who checks their Eckerd College email should be well aware that there is a gay community on campus; one whose main goal is support and maybe understanding from gay, straight, undecided, ambiguous and ambidextrous alike. This fact should come as no surprise to those who’ve kept abreast with pop-culture. The gay community has become more and more prominent than ever in almost (alas, still almost) every facet of life. But in honor of the spirit of diversity, there are a few other subcultures you may enjoy hearing about, which I’ll give a brief description of here, for the reader’s edification. Some may disagree with these descriptions; they were either reached during intense philosophical discussions or are spawns of my deranged imagination. But then, odds are, the faithful reader has already realized that by now.....
Subculture #1: Closet Exhibitionist
Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary (tenth edition) defines exhibitionism as follows: 1 a: a perversion marked by a tendency to indecent exposure b: an act of such exposure 2: the act or practice of behaving so as to attract attention to oneself.
Now, Webster having been a thorough fella, this entry goes on to describe how to pronounce the word, and lists several variations on the word, and the parts of speech thereof. But that’s not what we’re here for, is it?
Joe College defines exhibitionism as taking off clothing so people’ll look at you, something which most college students experienced at some point in their more angst-ridden-hormone-driven years.
But what is a closet exhibitionist? One of three things: someone who likes to draw attention to themselves by exposing the interior of their closet (sorry, that pun just slipped out. I promise it won’t happen again); someone who occasionally indulges in a fantasy of running through the sprinklers by the mailboxes naked; or someone who habitually forgets to close the blinds while changing and feigns embarrassment when called on it. Now, this subculture is larger than you might think (hence the “closeted”). You may even know several closet exhibitionists. If you do, proceed with caution and try to be understanding; it can often be difficult to take the step and embrace your inner nudist.
Subculture #2: Emotional Masochist
I am of the firm belief that 99% of our culture goes through a phase of emotional masochism, and the other 1% are liars. For those skeptics, I have but one word: adolescence. Angst-ridden-hormone-driven years of indecision, that don’t necessarily end until your late 40s, when you will suddenly become nostalgic for the happy days of your youth spent as an angst-ridden-hormone-driven teenager, and buy a motorcycle.
Subculture #3: Non-practicing Sadist
I refuse to define “sadism” on the grounds that it’s entirely possible that my grandmother will at some point read this article. Suffice to say, a Non-practicing sadist (not to be confused with a practicing sadist, with whom one must proceed with caution) is a harmless member of society who indulges his/herself every now and then with a really good slasher flick or action adventure novel. People who have become aware of their status as a Non-practicing sadist are often very well adjusted, having rid themselves of any nasty violent tendencies through video games and Hollywood, which contrary to many parent’s beliefs, are not actually the root of all evil.
Subculture #4: Plucky Comic Relief
This subculture does not actually exist, I just made it up so I could end this column with the word “plucky”.
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