There’s this interesting fact about life: you’re either so busy you want to cry and/or rip your hair out, or you’re so bored you want to, well, cry and/or rip you hair out. Very seldomly do you actually encounter a time when your workload is absolutely perfect; no matter what those time-management classes try to tell you.
Now, in those times when you’ve got too much to do, you’ve really got only one option: search through your pockets and look for loose change. You’ll need it to purchase the caffeine necessary to successfully stave of sleep until those times when you’ve got nothing better to do. At which point odds are you won’t want to sleep anyway.
(I’ve heard a lot about this “sleep” stuff, and one day intend to experiment with it myself. It’s the latest fad amongst college students.)
Now, during those times when the hours stretch infinitely out before you with nothing in particular to fill them, strange thoughts may appear in your head. Thoughts which urge you to paint a masterpiece, experiment on your roommate’s fish, or scour the internet for the perfect replacement for Napster so you can show all those stupid record companies what for. Some use this time to create complex, in-depth websites using the latest html, flash, and webcam technologies. Web sites which serve no discernable purpose other than to baffle and entertain.
So before you pick up that playstation controller and start Final Fantasy IX all over again, here’s some places you may want to at least take a gander at:
If you read online comics (or heck, even those in your local newspaper), odds are you’ll know about my first example. It’s a true testament to the power of improper translation to English of computer games. That’s right, its ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. This little flash ditty is probably available on the school network somewhere, but in case you don’t feel like trying to navigate through computers, you can check it out at www.planetstarseige.com/allyourbase and impress your friends with your knowledge of pop-geek-culture. The next time someone tells you “someone set up us the bomb” you’ll be able to laugh along, and start singing the monotone, techno-y theme song with the best of them.
If you listen to Howard Stern, you may have already found the next one. For those of you newbies, I warn you, it’s highly addictive. But darn good at killing time. Next time you’re waxing nostalgic about the old TGIF sitcoms or Fidel Castro, go to GUESS THE EVIL DICTATOR/SITCOM CHARACTER (www.smalltime.com/dictator.html). By now, of course, you could be just about any tv character ever created, and odds are it’ll guess you as either Powdered Toast Man or George Bush. This is an example not only of the creator having too much time on their hands, but of everyone else as well. Each time it gets you wrong, it adds you to the data base so it can get you later. Spend some time at this site, but make sure you have your roommate around to remind you that there are other things to do as well.....
Want a random website that’s also vaguely useful? Want to show off your literary and movie prowess to impress all your friends? Don’t have time to actually read the cliff’s notes on any of those books for class? Try BOOK-A-MINUTE. (www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/) This website has taken the time to read the books for you and compress them into summaries which all take approximately one minute to read. Don’t see what you want on the site? They take votes as to what to reduce next. Check out movie-a-minute too for all your movie needs.
But enough with being socially notorious or actually useful. What about all those websites out there that merely exist for the entertainment of the maintainer and the visitors? Well never fear, I’ve got a couple of those for you too, courtesy of a friend in Boston who doesn’t so much have too much time on her hands as an obsessive compulsive need to procrastinate.
First we have ESKIMO BOB (www.eskimobob.com). The entire site is made up of a series of short flash cartoons, featuring Eskimo Bob, Alfonzo, and a walrus. The walrus is the best character, or course. But for those of you who collect email addresses, you can now get Eskimo Bob email! How exciting is that? I can see you all drooling over the very concept. Just be careful, you don’t want to short out your keyboard.
Even better, and even more random, is ERIC CONVEYS AN EMOTION (www.emotioneric.com). This is a guy who utilizes his digital camera to portray an emotion, any emotion, at the request of the viewers. Happy, frightened, shocked, discovering that his father is Dan Quayle, you name it, Eric has done it, in a creative fashion that boggles the mind as to where this boy actually lives. There’s also a long list of emotions he still has lined up to portray. So if you ever want to spend a couple of hours staring at someone you don’t know make faces about things you’re not quite clear about, this is the place to go. Besides, Eric is kinda cute.
Every page I have mentioned so far is unique in its randomness, and the amount of time it must have taken the creator to create it. They are amusing distractions that will save you from premature baldness and red, weepy eyes, but none of them quite wins the absolute award for shocking randomness. None of them quite reaches the point of making absolutely everyone who reads it stop and say “what the hell?” Only one website that I know of consistently does this, no matter how many times you go see it.
This site came to my attention one day about two weeks ago, when I received an IM from a friend with a link on it, and a note that a friend of theirs had sent it to them. As far as I know, the only way to locate this page is to have someone refer it to you, just as I had it referred to me, and I refer it now to you. The address is simple, and once you see it, you will probably never forget it. And it simply must be seen.
come.to/hatten
Go see it. Marvel at its randomness. And please, if anyone knows what language its in and what purpose it may serve, tell me.
(All Your Base, Eskimo Bob and come.to/hatten require flash to run. The other websites are just html, and may be admired from almost any computer.)
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